The Project Gutenberg Ebook The Progress of Wit &c., by de La Fontaine #17 in our series by Jean de La Fontaine (The Tales and Novels) Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the header without written permission. Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. **Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** **EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** *****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers***** Title: The Tales and Novels, v17: The Progress of Wit &c Author: Jean de La Fontaine Release Date: March, 2004 [EBook #5291] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on June 21, 2002] Edition: 10 Language: English Character set encoding: ASCII *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES AND NOVELS OF FONTAINE, V17 *** This eBook was produced by David Widger [NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of the file for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making an entire meal of them. D.W.] THE TALES AND NOVELS OF J. DE LA FONTAINE Volume 17. Contains: The Progress of Wit The Sick Abbess The Truckers THE PROGRESS OF WIT DIVERTING in extreme there is a play, Which oft resumes its fascinating sway; Delights the sex, or ugly, fair, or sour; By night or day:--'tis sweet at any hour. The frolick, ev'ry where is known to fame; Conjecture if you can, and tells its name. THIS play's chief charm to husbands is unknown; 'Tis with the lover it excels alone; No lookers-on, as umpires, are required; No quarrels rise, though each appears inspired; All seem delighted with the pleasing game:-- Conjecture if you can, and tell its name. BE this as 'twill, and called whate'er it may; No longer trifling with it I shall stay, But now disclose a method to transmit (As oft we find) to ninnies sense and wit. Till Alice got instruction in this school, She was regarded as a silly fool, Her exercise appeared to spin and sew:-- Not hers indeed, the hands alone would go; For sense or wit had in it no concern; Whate'er the foolish girl had got to learn, No part therein could ever take the mind; Her doll, for thought, was just as well designed. The mother would, a hundred times a day, Abuse the stupid maid, and to her say Go wretched lump and try some wit to gain. THE girl, quite overcome with shame and pain; Her neighbours asked to point her out the spot, Where useful wit by purchase might be got. The simple question laughter raised around; At length they told her, that it might be found With father Bonadventure, who'd a stock, Which he at times disposed of to his flock. AWAY in haste she to the cloister went, To see the friar she was quite intent, Though trembling lest she might disturb his ease; And one of his high character displease. The girl exclaimed, as on she moved,--Will he Such presents willingly bestow on me, Whose age, as yet, has scarcely reached fifteen? With such can I be worthy to be seen? Her innocence much added to her charms, The gentle wily god of soft alarms Had not a youthful maiden in his book, That carried more temptation in her look. MOST rev'rend sir, said she, by friends I'm told, That in this convent wit is often sold, Will you allow me some on trust to take? My treasure won't afford that much I stake; I can return if more I should require; Howe'er, you'll take this pledge I much desire; On which she tried to give the monk a ring, That to her finger firmly seemed to cling. BUT when the friar saw the girl's design, He cried, good maid, the pledge we will decline, And what is wished, provide for you the same; 'Tis merchandize, and whatsoe'er its fame, To some 'tis freely giv'n:--to others taught If not too dear, oft better when 'tis bought. Come in and boldly follow where I lead; None round can see: you've nothing here to heed; They're all at prayers; the porter's at my will; The very walls, of prudence have their fill. SHE entered as the holy monk desired, And they together to his cell retired. The friar on the bed this maiden threw; A kiss would take:--she from him rather drew; And said.--To give one wit is this the way? Yes, answered he, and round her 'gan to play: Upon her bosom then he put his hand What now, said she, am I to understand? Is this the way?--Said he, 'tis so decreed; Then patiently she let the monk proceed, Who followed up, from point to point, his aim; And wit, by easy steps, advancing came, Till its progression with her was complete; Then Alice laughed, success appeared so sweet. A SECOND dose the friar soon bestowed, And e'en a third, so fast his bounty flowed. Well, said the monk, pray how d'ye find the play? The girl replied: wit will not long delay; 'Twill soon arrive; but then I fear its flight: I'm half afraid 'twill leave me ere 'tis night. We'll see, rejoined the priest, that naught you lose; But other secrets oftentimes we use. Seek not those the smiling girl replied With this most perfectly I'm satisfied; Then be it so, said he, we'll recommence, Nor longer keep the business in suspense, But to the utmost length at once advance; For this fair Alice showed much complaisance: The secret by the friar was renewed; Much pleasure in it Bonadventure viewed; The belle a courtesy dropt, and then retired, Reflecting on the wit she had acquired; Reflecting, do you say?--To think inclined? Yes, even more:--she sought excuse to find, Not doubting that she should be forced to say, Some cause for keeping her so long away. TWO days had passed, when came a youthful friend; Fair Nancy with her often would unbend; Howe'er, so very thoughtful Alice seemed, That Nancy (who was penetrating deemed) Was well convinced whatever Alice sought, So very absent she was not for naught. In questioning she managed with such art, That soon she learned--what Alice could impart To listen she was thoroughly disposed, While t'other ev'ry circumstance disclosed, From first to last, each point and mystick hit, And e'en the largeness of the friar's wit, The repetitions, and the wondrous skill With which he managed ev'ry thing at will. BUT now, cried Alice, favour me I pray, And tell at once, without reserve, the way That you obtained such wit as you possess, And all particulars to me confess. IF I, said Nancy, must avow the truth, Your brother Alan was the bounteous youth, Who me obliged therewith, and freely taught, What from the holy friar you'd have bought. My brother Alan!--Alan! Alice cried; He ne'er with any was himself supplied; I'm all surprise; he's thought a heavy clot, How could he give what he had never got? FOOL! said the other, little thou can'st know; For once, to me some information owe; In such a case much skill is not required, And Alan freely gave what I desired. If me thou disbeliev'st, thy mother ask; She thoroughly can undertake the task. ON such a point we readily should say, Long live the fools who wit so well display! THE SICK ABBESS EXAMPLE often proves of sov'reign use; At other times it cherishes abuse; 'Tis not my purpose, howsoe'er, to tell Which of the two I fancy to excel. Some will conceive the Abbess acted right, While others think her conduct very light Be that as 'twill, her actions right or wrong, I'll freely give a license to my tongue, Or pen, at all events, and clearly show, By what some nuns were led to undergo, That flocks are equally of flesh and blood, And, if one passes, hundreds stem the flood, To follow up the course the first has run, And imitate what t'other has begun. When Agnes passed, another sister came, And ev'ry nun desired to do the same; At length the guardian of the flock appeared, And likewise passed, though much at first she feared. The tale is this, we purpose to relate; And full particulars we now will state. AN Abbess once a certain illness had, Chlorosis named, which oft proves very bad, Destroys the rose that decorates the cheek, And renders females languid, pale, and weak. Our lady's face was like a saint's in Lent: Quite wan, though otherwise it marked content. The faculty, consulted on her case, And who the dire disorder's source would trace, At length pronounced slow fever must succeed, And death inevitably be decreed, Unless;--but this unless is very strange Unless indeed she some way could arrange; To gratify her wish, which seemed to vex, And converse be allowed with t'other sex: Hippocrates, howe'er, more plainly speaks, No circumlocutory phrase he seeks. O JESUS! quite abashed the Abbess cried; What is it?--fy!--a man would you provide? Yes, they rejoined, 'tis clearly what you want, And you will die without a brisk gallant; One truly able will alone suffice; And, if not such, take two we would advise. This still was worse, though, if we rightly guess, 'Twas by her wished, durst she the truth confess. But how the sisterhood would see her take Such remedies and no objection make? Shame often causes injury and pain; And ills concealed bring others in their train. SAID sister Agnes, Madam, take their word; A remedy like this would be absurd, If, like old death, it had a haggard look, And you designed to get by hook or crook. A hundred secrets you retain at ease; Can one so greatly shock and you displease?-- You talk at random, Agnes, she replied; Now, would you for the remedy decide, Upon your word, if you were in my place?-- Yes, madam, said the nun, and think it grace; Still more I'd do, if necessary thought; Your health, by me, would ev'ry way be sought, And, if required by you to suffer this, Not one around would less appear remiss; Sincere affection for you I have shown, And my regard I'll ever proudly own. A THOUSAND thanks the Abbess gave her friend; The doctors said:--no use for them to send; Throughout the convent sad distress appeared; When Agnes, who to sage advice adhered, And was not thought the weakest head around, A kinder soul perhaps could not be found, Said to the sisterhood,--What now retains Our worthy Abbess, and her will enchains, Is nothing but the shame of pow'rs divine, Or else, to what's prescribed she would resign. Through charity will no one take the lead, And, by example, get her to proceed? THE counsel was by ev'ry one approved, And commendation through the circle moved. IN this design not one, nor grave, nor old, Nor young, nor prioress, at all seemed cold; Notes flew around, and friends of worth and taste, The black, the fair, the brown, appeared in haste; The number was not small, our records say, Not (what might be) appearance of delay, But all most anxious seemed the road to show, And what the Abbess feared, at once to know; None more sincerely 'mong the nuns desired, That shame should not prevent what was required. Nor that the Abbess should, within her soul, Retain what might injuriously control. NO sooner one among the flock had made The step, of which the Abbess was afraid, But other sisters followed in the train:-- Not one behind consented to remain; Each forward pressed, in dread to be the last; At length, from prejudice the Abbess passed; To such examples she at last gave way, And, to a youth, no longer offered nay. THE operation o'er, her lily face Resumed the rose, and ev'ry other grace. O remedy divine, prescription blessed! Thy friendly aid to numbers stands confessed; The friends of thousands, friend of nature too; The friend of all, except where honour 's due. This point of honour is another ill, In which the faculty confess no skill. WHAT ills in life! what mis'ries dire around, While remedies so easy may be found! THE TRUCKERS THE change of food enjoyment is to man; In this, t'include the woman is my plan. I cannot guess why Rome will not allow Exchange in wedlock, and its leave avow; Not ev'ry time such wishes might arise, But, once in life at least, 'twere not unwise; Perhaps one day we may the boon obtain; Amen, I say: my sentiments are plain; The privilege in France may yet arrive There trucking pleases, and exchanges thrive; The people love variety, we find; And such by heav'n was ere for them designed. ONCE there dwelled, near Rouen, (sapient clime) Two villagers, whose wives were in their prime, And rather pleasing in their shape and mien, For those in whom refinement 's scarcely seen. Each looker-on conceives, LOVE needs not greet Such humble wights, as he would prelates treat. IT happened, howsoe'er, both weary grown, Of halves that they so long had called their own; One holyday, with them there chanced to drink The village lawyer (bred in Satan's sink); To him, said one of these, with jeering air, Good mister Oudinet, a strange affair Is in my head: you've doubtless often made Variety of contracts; 'tis your trade: Now, cannot you contrive, by one of these, That men should barter wives, like goods, at ease? Our pastor oft his benefice has changed; Is trucking wives less easily arranged? It cannot be, for well I recollect, That Parson Gregory (whom none suspect) Would always say, or much my mem'ry fails, My flock 's my wife: love equally prevails; He changed; let us, good neighbour do the same; With all my heart, said t'other, that's my aim; But well thou know'st that mine's the fairest face, And, Mister Oudinet, since that's the case, Should he not add, at least, his mule to boot? My mule? rejoined the first, that will not suit; In this world ev'ry thing has got its price: Mine I will change for thine and that 's concise. Wives are not viewed so near; naught will I add; Why, neighbour Stephen, dost thou think me mad, To give my mule to boot?--of mules the king; Not e'en an ass I'd to the bargain bring; Change wife for wife, the barter will be fair; Then each will act with t'other on the square. THE village lawyer now the friends addressed: Said he, Antoinetta is confessed To have superior charms to those of Jane; But still, if I may venture to be plain, Not always is the best what meets the eye, For many beauties in concealment lie, Which I prefer; and these are hid with care; Deceptions, too, are practised by the FAIR; Howe'er, we wish the whole to be disclosed, Too much, 'tis said, they must not be exposed. NOW, neighbours, let us fair arrangement make: A pig in poke you'd neither give nor take; Confront these halves in nature's birth-day suit; To neither, then, will you deceit impute. The project was most thoroughly approved; Like inclination both the husbands moved. ANTOINETTA, said the second spouse, Has neither ill nor scratch her fears to rouse. Jane, cried the first, is ev'ry way complete; No freckles on the skin: as balm she's sweet: Antoinetta is, her spouse replied, Ambrosia ev'ry way: no fault to hide. SAID t'other:--Don't so confident appear; Thou know'st not Jane: her ways would marble cheer; And there's a play:--thou understand'st no doubt? To this rejoined the second village lout, One diff'rence only have my wife and I: Which plays the prettiest wiles is what we try; Thou'lt very soon of these know how to think; Here's to thee, neighbour; Mister Oud'net, drink; Come, toast Antoinetta; likewise Jane; The mule was granted, and the bargain plain: Our village lawyer promised to prepare, At once, the writings, which would all declare. This Oudinet a good apostle proved Well paid for parchment, or he never moved: By whom was payment made?--by both the dames; On neither husband showed he any claims. THE village clowns some little time supposed That all was secret: not a hint disclosed; The parson of it, howsoe'er, obtained Some intimation, and his off'rings gained. I was not present, fully I admit; But rarely clergymen their dues will quit. The very clerk would not remit his fee:-- All those who serve the church in this agree. THE permutation could not well be made, But scandal would such practices upbraid; In country villages each step is seen; Thus, round the whisper went of what had been, And placed at length the thorn where all was ease; The pow'rs divine alone it could displease. 'Twas pleasant them together to behold; The wives, in emulation, were not cold; In easy talk they'd to each other say: How pleasing to exchange from day to day! What think you, neighbour, if, to try our luck, For once we've something new, and valets truck? This last, if made, the secret had respect; The other had at first a good effect. FOR one good month the whole proceeded well; But, at the end, disgust dispersed the spell; And neighbour Stephen, as we might suppose, Began dissatisfaction to disclose; Lamented much Antoinetta's stop; No doubt he was a loser by the swop; Yet neighbour Giles expressed extreme regret, That t'other from him ought to boot should get: Howe'er, he would retrucking not consent, So much he otherwise appeared content. IT happened on a day, as Stephen strayed Within a wood, he saw, beneath a shade, And near the stream, asleep, and quite alone, Antoinetta, whom he wished his own. He near her drew, and waked her with surprise; The change ne'er struck her when she ope'd her eyes; The gay gallant advantage quickly took, And, what he wished, soon placed within his hook. 'Tis said, he found her better than at first; Why so? you ask: was she then at the worst? A curious question, truly, you've designed; In Cupid's am'rous code of laws you'll find-- Bread got by stealth, and eat where none can spy, Is better far than what you bake or buy; For proof of this, ask those most learn'd in love Truth we prefer, all other things above; Yet Hymen, and the god of soft desire, How much soe'er their union we admire, Are not designed together bread to bake; In proof, the sleeping scene for instance take. Good cheer was there: each dish was served with taste; The god of love, who often cooks in haste, Most nicely seasoned things to relish well; In this he's thought old Hymen to excel. ANTOINETTA, to his clasp restored, Our neighbour Stephen, who his wife adored, Quite raw, howe'er, in this, exclaimed apart Friend Giles has surely got some secret art, For now my rib displays superior charms, To what she had, before she left my arms. Let's take her back, and play the Norman trick Deny the whole, and by our priv'lege stick. IMMEDIATELY he ev'ry effort tried, To get the bargain fully set aside. Giles, much distressed, exerted all his might, To keep his prize, and prove his conduct right. The cause was carried to the bishop's court; Much noise it made, according to report. At length the parliament would hear the claim, And judge a case of such peculiar fame. THE village lawyer, Oudinet, was brought; From him, who drew the contract, truth was sought; There rests the cause, for 'tis of recent date; While undecided, more we cannot state. HOW silly neighbour Stephen must appear! He went against his int'rest now 'tis clear; For, when superior pleasure he was shown, The fascinating fair was not his own. Good sense would whisper then, 'twere full as well, To let remain with Giles the beauteous belle; Save now and then, within the leafy shade, Where oft Antoinetta visits made, And warbled to the shrubs and trees around; There he might easily the nymph have found, But, if with ease it could not be obtained, Still greater pleasure he would then have gained. GO preach me this to silly country louts; These, howsoe'er, had managed well their bouts, It must not be denied, and all was nice; To do the like perhaps 'twill some entice. I much regret my lot was not the same, Though doubtless many will my wishes blame. ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: Her doll, for thought, was just as well designed How could he give what he had never got? In country villages each step is seen *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES AND NOVELS OF FONTAINE, V17 *** *********** This file should be named 5291.txt or 5291.zip *********** This eBook was produced by David Widger Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, even years after the official publication date. Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment and editing by those who wish to do so. Most people start at our Web sites at: https://gutenberg.org or http://promo.net/pg These Web sites include award-winning information about Project Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, as it appears in our Newsletters. Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): eBooks Year Month 1 1971 July 10 1991 January 100 1994 January 1000 1997 August 1500 1998 October 2000 1999 December 2500 2000 December 3000 2001 November 4000 2001 October/November 6000 2002 December* 9000 2003 November* 10000 2004 January* The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. We need your donations more than ever! As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones that have responded. As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. In answer to various questions we have received on this: We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, just ask. While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to donate. International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are ways. Donations by check or money order may be sent to: Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation PMB 113 1739 University Ave. Oxford, MS 38655-4109 Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment method other than by check or money order. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. We need your donations more than ever! You can get up to date donation information online at: https://www.gutenberg.org/donation.html *** If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, you can always email directly to: Michael S. Hart Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. We would prefer to send you information by email. **The Legal Small Print** (Three Pages) ***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. *BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market any commercial products without permission. To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, [1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that time to the person you received it from. If you received it on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement copy. If you received it electronically, such person may choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to receive it electronically. THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you may have other legal rights. INDEMNITY You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, [2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, or [3] any Defect. DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this "Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, or: [1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, including any form resulting from conversion by word processing or hypertext software, but only so long as *EITHER*: [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and does *not* contain characters other than those intended by the author of the work, although tilde (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may be used to convey punctuation intended by the author, and additional characters may be used to indicate hypertext links; OR [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent form by the program that displays the eBook (as is the case, for instance, with most word processors); OR [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC or other equivalent proprietary form). [2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this "Small Print!" statement. [3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the gross profits you derive calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to let us know your plans and to work out the details. WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine readable form. The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. Money should be paid to the: "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: hart@pobox.com [Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be they hardware or software or any other related product without express permission.] *END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END*